Ride or die

“Olivia-and-Josh”, I have said their names like a phrase for the past 18 years. At 15 months apart they often seemed like twins. Where there was one, there was the other. But, their similarities were as remarkable as their differences. Olivia was born screaming and showing off her voice and did not stop until Josh was born at which time she was contented by a little baby to play with. When Josh was born, the nurses had to smack and rub him to provoke him to cry and even then, he was quickly quieted. Even though Olivia is the big sister, they have no recollection of a world where they did not have each other. She loved him immediately and treated him like her very own living toy and he was mesmerized by her every move, every word. Josh became tough and resilient fast, thanks to his big sister. At only a couple weeks old, Josh once went toppling down a set of stairs, strapped in a bouncy seat…because Olivia. As toddlers, a pecking order was fast established and Liv ruled the roost, and Josh was happy with that. He followed her around like a little chick following momma hen and she showed him their little world. When they were about 2 and 3 years old they once played a game called Mary Poppins. In this game, Josh had to climb on top of a pop up camper with an umbrella and float down to Olivia, like Mary Poppins. Yes, Josh was tough and Olivia was in trouble. They loved animals as most kids do, and they had a few unconventional pets, one being their duck, Angelina. At 2 and 4 years old, Olivia and Josh snuck out of the house for the first time. Olivia woke Josh up demanding he be quiet, she removed the child lock from the door handle and out they went before daylight to hang out with their duck. I woke up in a panic that my children were missing until I heard their delighted laughter and found them chasing after Angelina in the backyard. Olivia decided they wanted a cat, so at the table one night they talked about all the greatness a cat would bring and why we should get one. I just carried on getting dinner on the table, half listening to them and their cat dreams. We sat down and Josh said the prayer, and of course he mostly prayed for a cat and told Jesus how happy he would be if he would send them a cat. Suddenly, Olivia interrupted the prayer and announced that she had heard a meow and Josh’s eyes were as wide as they could get, he jumped up and ran to the door and sure enough, there was a tiny kitten sitting on our doorstep. It was black, white and brown and Josh declared that he would be named Oreo (thanks to the inspiration of a pack of Oreos on the counter). We still have Oreo today and I am still puzzled about how she came to us. Then there was the classic “I’ll let you cut my hair if you let me cut yours” and just like that they really looked like twins with matching, silly looking patch of chopped hair sticking up on the side of each of their foreheads. I was so mad about that. Then, a shift took place a couple years later when Josh became the brave (or crazy) one, still Olivia was the leader but Josh was the doer. They would climb trees, only Josh would go way too high. They would learn to skateboard, but Josh would do the wild jumps. They would venture into the woods, but Josh would go first. Fast forward to the new baby brother, Titus. When Titus came home Olivia and Josh were absolutely thrilled and lovestruck. They assumed their roles and Olivia was Titus’s momma hen, rocking him, bathing him, changing him, she had a natural ability to soothe him. Josh was the entertainment, and boy did he put on the shows for Titus and really all of us. We used to tell Josh he was born with Irish legs because he somehow knew Irish step dancing and Titus and the rest of us would cry with laughter. One particular night, Josh was dancing his Irish dance and Olivia told him to quit bouncing off the walls, and at that very moment, Josh danced too far to one side, smacked his head on the wall and bounced to the floor. He literally was bouncing off the walls. High school years came along and Olivia led the way with perfection, always mild mannered and doing her best. She was an inspiration to Josh and he watched her and looked up to her. Olivia almost always had a quick solution to offer, and sometimes solid, unsolicited advice for him which she thought went ignored, but he was listening and learning the whole time. Once Josh grew taller than Olivia, something shifted again and Olivia began to look up to her little brother in more ways than one. Josh was easy, carefree, and happy. He had a special perspective that kept him content and he chose not to complicate things. Olivia (and I) have always admired that about Josh. My two firstborn kids were truly a perfect match, where one was weak, the other was strong but together they had a bond that could outlive anything. Olivia is now faced with the unthinkable, to continue on and live a fulfilled life without her sidekick, Josh here with her. He has passed on ahead of her and I know that is a foreign reality, for she has no recollection of a world without her brother. It will not be easy and she will have a multitude of situations where she just needs her brother.

And, he will be there. Every single time. He will be there stronger than ever and he was strong. Josh dwells in Olivia, he is a part of her fabric, always has been and always will be. I’ve told Olivia and Josh their whole life to rely on each other first and be as close to one another as possible because no one in the world will stick closer to you throughout your whole life than a sibling. Josh is sticking close to Olivia.

To my dear daughter, Josh was only given 18 short years but he left us so many long and wonderful stories to tell. May his memory inspire you and keep you close to the path you are meant to be on. You have been an exceptional big sister and you are a huge part of who Josh grew to be and I am proud of you, he was proud of you. He knew he could count on you and he knew he was loved and admired by you. When life brings hard things, face them, feel them, get real with them and get on with life better than ever. When you are discouraged, turn your focus to gratefulness. When you need help, never be too proud to ask. And, though your lifelong sidekick is not here your siblings are still the most likely to stick by you through thick or thin in life. Stick closer than ever to them and make all your relationships a priority. Perhaps it is not survival of the fittest, maybe we thrive when we have strength in relationships, strength in numbers because where you have a strong bond, you have someone who will come to your rescue no matter the circumstances. You and Josh have a strong bond and he will always be there for you. All my love.