Dear/Deer

Josh was a lover of the outdoors and he loved to hunt. Every year once hunting season came around he was constantly thinking about when and where he could go deer hunting. He loved every part of the hunting experience, the time spent with the guys, the quiet, the outdoors, the patience, the sighting, the kill, the clean, and the cook. Josh just had an itch for hunting deer and he brought such excitement over the anticipation of hunting and the thrill of the kill. I have known people who love the hunt but I learned to understand it from my son, even though I have never hunted in my life. Josh explained to me that hunting is about faith. He said “mom, the deer are out there, the only question is if you’ll be in the stand and paying attention when one comes into sight”. Josh said that he was diligent about his expectation of sighting a deer the whole time he was in the stand, that he would not fall asleep or become distracted like so many hunters do because that could be the moment he would miss his dear deer.

Josh had plans to hunt every season for the rest of his life, and I guess he did that. He won’t be traveling west for the big hunts with his Uncle Timmy this year like they planned for his graduation gift and he won’t be in the stand with his brother Buck, nor will he hunt with Grandpa Greg or his best friend Blaine. Or, will he go with them regardless of death?

My son jumped from a bridge into the river to go for a swim with his friends on July 3rd, something they have done for years. Only this time he didn’t come back up. The bridge he jumped from is called the Indian Bridge, but we now call it Josh’s bridge. It has become a place where Josh’s friends and family gravitate toward to remember him and watch the sunsets. There are paintings, pictures, shells, coins, flowers, wreaths, signs and more that people bring and leave as tribute to Josh, who meant so much to so many. I decided to paint rocks to leave as tribute to Josh at the bridge, I’ve painted about four little rocks with things significant to my son written on them. This morning I painted a rock white and wrote “white tail” on it because he liked to hunt. I placed the rock on the bridge with the others and watched the river below thinking of my son and his hunting trips.

As I walked across the bridge toward my car, I looked ahead and stopped in my tracks when my gaze landed right on a white tail deer. I blinked in confusion, half disbelief, and I felt my eyes open wide in wonder over the situation. I was absolutely perplexed and I rolled a tape in my mind…painted rock, white tail, deep thought about Josh’s deer, whitetail deer in front of me, white tail deer staring at me. The deer and I just stood there looking at each other for at least ten minutes. After several minutes, I took my phone out of my car and took a video, the video is 2 minutes 13 seconds. A truck came driving down the road and that is when the deer casually pranced back into the canopy of trees.

I just decided that I believe coincidences are very unlikely. What I believe is that whatever happens in the present moment is filled with opportunity, will I be paying attention when it comes into sight?

Hunting is about faith. Josh said “mom, the deer are out there, the only question is if you’ll be in the stand and paying attention when one comes into sight”. Josh said that he was diligent about his expectation of sighting a deer the whole time he was in the stand, that he would not fall asleep or become distracted like so many hunters do because that could be the moment he would miss his dear deer.

I am not a hunter yet but I will be diligently watchful for dear moments. I will have faith and I will not be asleep or distracted like so many are, when I sight an opportunity. What will the opportunities be? Maybe that’s the beauty of faith, we may not know when, where, what, or how but we believe none the less.